Insecurity.....maybe.

Some thoughts from a favorite blogger of mine, Keiko Lynn :

. What [or more likely whom] am I comparing myself to, that leads me to believe I am inadequate? Whose requisites am I not fulfilling? There is no one directly in my life that would ever purposely make me feel as though I'm anything less than capable, attractive, significant. ...

It's all me. It's my own standards I haven't reached, because they're usually impractical or nearly impossible. I just look for criticism from others in order to validate my own lashings, and I let them carry more weight because I'm inclined to agree.

I'm really hard on myself. I have ridiculously high expectations for myself in every aspect of life, and a skewed self image. I don't look in the mirror and find myself hideous, but I certainly don't see what other people seem to see - and I'm a huge nerd, so I always worry I'm not engaging, witty or even cool enough. I put a lot of effort into my makeup and ensembles because it gives me a little bit of confidence, even if it is somewhat manufactured. High heels, a cute outfit and a little bit of makeup allow me to carry my head higher, even make me feel a little full of myself at times (usually when I have a soundtrack).

If you're told over and over again that you're mediocre, you start to believe it.

Cruel words seem to linger, while compliments can be fleeting. It only takes one insult to make ten compliments all but null, ...

She sort of puts my feelings into words in a way I can't. ☺